God's Got You

I grew up in a Christian family + had an amazing childhood + always knew God, Jesus, + Holy Spirit. I knew Jesus died on the cross for me and miraculously rose back to life three days later. But, just because I grew up like this, does not mean I had a perfect and easy life.  I was born with a weak tongue, which caused me to have a lot of speech problems. Since it was hard to say some words it made it even that much harder to hold conversations with people. I was verbally bullied and physically picked on for just being me- the me that God created. I started to hate myself and finally told my mom & Dad I wish I hadn’t been born or at least I wish I hadn’t been born stupid. 

Even with all this happening I pushed myself and played sports and participated in some school activities. Soccer, gymnastics, 4H (pigs), video games, track & field, and theater were some of my outlets. I would go to church every Sunday and seem  like I was living out the knowledge I learned from the Bible. But it was all an act. I didn’t really have a true relationship with God. I was far from Him.  

After I graduated high school things started getting worse. The town I lived in was known for parties so I dove in. I started to smoke weed and drink way too much alcohol. I was distant from God, but I didn't care because for the first time I finally felt like I had confidence in myself. As time went on I got really good at hiding everything from my parents and church friends. They had no clue. It was a rush. Weed got old so I dove into some harder drugs. Shrooms were the first harder drug I got my hands on. It was the best feeling I had ever had. I thought I was so happy until my fun rush turned into too much. One night at my friends I had a bit more than I should have and ended up breaking into cars, knocking on people's doors, and getting pickup by the fire department. I didn't know it at the time, but God was with me through it all. He saved me from being arrested and from people pressing charges. My eyes were beginning to open and it was time to change. 

I signed up for a program called Mission Builders at Youth With a Mission (YWAM) Kona, HI base. Again, I didn’t know it at the time, but this was the beginning of my surrender to Jesus. I worked in the kitchen on this Mission’s campus for three months. I made some beautiful friendships and saw God move in ways I didn’t believe existed. The time flew and before I knew it I was on the plane headed back home. God felt dead to me after two weeks of being home and I jumped back into drinking and drugs. The enemy is a trickster. He is sly and moves quick, but God was not done with me. My flesh wanted to remain in the comfort of my home to use drugs to mask the pain I was slowly dealing with, but a small voice told me to go back and try one of YWAM’s discipleship training schools. So, as hard as it was I went. And It was the most AMAZING thing I have ever been apart of. Chains broke off of me. Lies fell to my waste side. I fell in love with the words in the Bible. And my relationship with God grew exponentially. I was forgiven and made new.

The five months flew by and I decided to move Florida. God provided a job, a car, an apartment, and a church. I felt like life was finally at ease. Until the enemy snuck up on me again. One of my coworkers talked about doing cocaine and I caved. I felt stupid as I fell into the vicious cycle for another three months. The last day I did drugs was the worst day of my life. I used cocaine not knowing it was laced with meth. I laid in my apartment shaking for 24 hours convinced I was going to die and go to hell. I used my last bit of hope to pray one of the most heartfelt prayers I’ve ever said. I asked God to break my addiction once and for all. After I finished praying I noticed one of my friends from my ywam sent me a voice message. Holy Spirit spoke to me through her message and I instantly became sober. I cried, thanking God for His grace. I never went to rehab, I never went to jail, and I should have died many times, but I remain alive to tell you my story.

During all those years God never gave up on me. He radically heals and saves by pouring out grace. I am back at a YWAM base in Florida taking a class called Word By Heart. I get to memorize the Gospel of Luke in this class and be reminded of how much He loves me each day.

Whatever you may battle, never lose hope because God’s got you. No obstacle is too big for Him to break through. He loves you.

Remember it’s never about us it’s all about Jesus- He’s a good Father.

- Nick Bakke

Hannah DawberComment